Becoming a Grandparent: Finding Your Place in This Beautiful New Chapter

Of all the things I thought about when I started exploring what retirement might look like for me, becoming a grandmother was certainly one of the most exciting.

Travel, spending more time with family and friends, working on projects I love, having more freedom over my days — all of those things were part of the picture.

But then we found out we were going to become grandparents, and suddenly there was this whole new part of our future to imagine.

And I’ll admit, in all my excitement about cuddles, outings and being Gigi, there was one word I hadn’t really given much thought to.

Boundaries.

Learning About Grandparent Boundaries

As part of my deep dive into retirement — and after finding out I was going to become a grandmother — I read Grandparents by Michael Carr-Gregg.

It was a fantastic book and gave me quite a lot to think about, particularly when it came to the idea of boundaries as a grandparent.

I don’t think I had ever really considered that before.

In my head, becoming a grandmother was mostly about all the lovely bits. Cuddles, spending time together, helping out, family lunches, babysitting and hopefully building a beautiful relationship with this little person who was about to enter our lives.

The book made me stop and think about what my role actually was.

Because this wasn’t my baby.

This was Em and Mitch’s baby, and they were about to become their own little family.

My role wasn’t to step back into parenting. It was to work out how to become a grandparent.

And I’m discovering there is quite a difference.

Becoming a Grandparent Without Taking Over

Now that sweet Hazel is here, I understand this even more.

As much as I would happily see her every single day — and honestly, I’m not sure there is such a thing as too many Hazel cuddles — I have also come to appreciate how important these early months are for Em, Mitch and Hazel to find their own rhythm as a family.

I’ve tried to help in ways that don’t feel intrusive.

If I’m asked to help, I’m there.

I’ll cook them dinner here and there, offer practical help when I think it might make life a little easier and, of course, I am very happy to provide cuddling services whenever required!

But I’m also conscious of giving them space.

That’s probably one of the things I’ve thought about most since becoming a grandmother: being available doesn’t mean always being present.

Sometimes supporting the people you love means knowing when to step in, but also knowing when to leave them to work things out for themselves.

Parenting Then and Parenting Now

It has also been fascinating watching Em and Mitch become parents in a very different world from the one in which Tony and I became parents.

I still remember arriving home with Em and thinking, What on earth am I supposed to do now?

There was no Google.

No parenting apps.

No online mothers’ groups.

No endless supply of experts popping up on your phone telling you about wake windows, feeding schedules, developmental leaps and seventeen different ways you might be doing tummy time incorrectly.

We really didn’t have a clue!

In some ways, I wonder if that was a blessing.

We didn’t know all the things we were supposedly getting wrong. We just muddled our way through, did the best we could and loved her as much as we possibly could.

New parents today have access to an incredible amount of information and support, and I can see how that can help them feel much more informed and confident.

But I think there is another side to it too.

There are now so many opportunities to wonder whether you’re doing it “right.”

Social media gives you endless families to compare yourself with, while the sheer amount of parenting information available can sometimes make it feel as though every little decision carries enormous importance.

Perhaps every generation of parents has had its challenges. They’re just different challenges.

Respecting Their Way of Parenting

Something I’ve realised is that being a modern grandparent also means accepting that our children may do things differently from the way we did them.

And that’s okay.

We had our turn.

We made the decisions we thought were right for our family with the information we had available at the time. Now Em and Mitch get to do the same.

Of course, experience doesn’t suddenly disappear when you become a grandparent. There may be times when something I learned as a mother is useful to them.

But I’m learning that there is a difference between having experience and needing to share it.

Sometimes the most helpful thing I can do is wait until I’m asked.

Making Room for Hazel — and for Our Own Lives

Interestingly, all this thinking about grandparent boundaries has also made me think about something from the other side — what kind of grandparents Tony and I want to be, and how Hazel will fit into the life we’ve been building for our retirement.

The simple answer is that we want to be there for her.

We want Em and Mitch to know that when they genuinely need us, we will do everything we can to be there. And as Hazel grows, I want her to know that too. I want her to grow up knowing that Gigi and Grumpy are part of her safe place — people she can turn to, spend time with, laugh with and rely on.

If I’m completely honest, being so besotted with her makes it very easy to imagine saying yes to absolutely everything.

Of course I’ll babysit.

Of course I’ll have her whenever she needs me.

Of course I’ll rearrange things because I get some extra Hazel time!

And I’m sure there will be plenty of occasions when that is exactly what we do.

But retirement is also a chapter Tony and I have spent a long time looking forward to. There are places we want to travel, things we want to experience and adventures we still want to have together. I have projects and a new business that I’m excited about. We have friends and family we want to spend time with and a life that we still want to keep building.

I don’t think those two things have to compete with each other.

Being devoted grandparents doesn’t mean we stop booking the holiday we’ve been talking about or put off doing something we’ve always wanted to do just in case we might be needed. Equally, having plans and interests of our own doesn’t mean we won’t be there when Hazel or her parents need us.

Perhaps that’s the balance I want to find.

I want Hazel to be an enormous part of our lives, because she already is. I want the sleepovers, the outings, the cuddles, the ordinary afternoons and all those little traditions that will hopefully become part of her childhood memories. I want to help Em and Mitch when they need us and be the kind of grandparents they know they can call anytime.

But I also want Tony and I to keep booking the trips, making plans, spending time with our friends, pursuing the things that interest us and enjoying this stage of our lives.

I don’t want to put our lives on hold in the hope that we might be needed. I’d rather keep living them fully and trust that, when we are needed, we’ll find a way to make room.

Maybe that’s another part of becoming a grandparent that I’m only beginning to understand. Hazel doesn’t need us to stop living our lives for her. She simply needs to know that she has a very special place in our lives.

And that, I think, is exactly the kind of Gigi I want to be.

A New Relationship With My Daughter Too

Something else I hadn’t really anticipated about becoming a grandmother is that it isn’t only my relationship with Hazel that is changing.

My relationship with Em is changing too.

I’m watching my daughter become a mother.

There is something quite extraordinary about that.

The person I once brought home from hospital without the faintest idea what I was doing is now bringing up her own little girl.

And now I get to stand beside her in a completely different role.

Not as the person making the decisions.

Not as the person who has all the answers — I’m fairly certain I never had those anyway!

But as someone firmly in her corner.

Someone she can call when she needs help, a meal, a cuddle, a babysitter, a listening ear or simply her mum.

Finding My Place as Gigi

We are incredibly fortunate that Em and Mitch want Tony and me to have a close relationship with Hazel.

I don’t take that for granted.

I hope that as she grows, our home will be somewhere she loves coming to. I hope we’ll have our own traditions and little adventures. I hope there will be sleepovers, baking days, stories, outings and probably quite a bit of spoiling — within those boundaries, of course!

Mostly, though, I want her to grow up knowing with absolute certainty how loved she is.

And I want Em and Mitch to know the same thing.

My plan for grandparenthood is actually becoming quite simple.

Offer help.

Be there when I’m needed.

Respect their decisions.

Give them room to be their own family.

Surround all three of them with as much love and support as I can without smothering them.

And at the same time, keep building a full and interesting life with Tony.

Because perhaps that’s another part of becoming a grandparent in retirement that we don’t talk about enough.

Our family has grown, but our own lives haven’t ended.

In fact, this new little person has added another wonderful layer to them.

I’m still discovering exactly what being Gigi will look like. Hazel is only at the very beginning of her story, and so am I in this new role.

But if I can be someone who is always there when she needs me, while also showing her what it looks like to keep embracing life as you grow older, I think that might be a pretty lovely way to be her grandmother.

I’m still learning what it means to be a grandparent in this modern world, and I suspect I always will be. Every family is different, and there’s no single right way to find that balance between being involved, being supportive and knowing when to step back. I’d love to hear from those of you who are further along this grandparenting journey. What have you learned? What advice would you give for being a loving, supportive grandparent while respecting the way our children are raising their own families, and at the same time continuing to embrace and enjoy a full life of our own? Please share your thoughts in the comments — I think we could all learn so much from each other.

If you’re thinking about what your own next chapter might look like, you might also enjoy the first article in my retirement series, When to Start Planning for Retirement: The Simple Mistake Most People Make, where I share why I believe planning for retirement starts long before your final day at work.